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Intrigued, I did a little more digging and discovered that ketamine-a dissociative hallucinogen that is already legal for supervised medical use, including in the treatment of depression-seemed to draw out the mind in a way similar to psilocybin by putting the brain in a “neuroplastic” state, explains Julie Holland, M.D., a New York–based psychiatrist and the author of the 2020 book Good Chemistry. I was starting to feel truly hopeless when I stumbled across a news item about studies showing that with the aid of psilocybin, longtime smokers were quitting cold turkey and sticking with it at rates that put all other remedies to shame two-thirds of participants in one recent study were confirmed cigarette-free after one year! The addiction struck me as fundamentally psychological: If I was so hooked on nicotine, why did I reach for my American Spirits only when I was stuck at my desk, staring down a deadline? But reach for them I did, and the harder I worked not to-with the aid of gum, apps, hypnosis, you-name-it-the more fixated I became on the fear that I simply could not write without cigarettes. Straining to maintain a productive work schedule under lockdown, I fell back into the habit of smoking as I write-and soon thereafter, the habit of trying to quit.

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